This Tuesday Isn't Fat, It's Fluffy

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/2/25/this-tuesday-isnt-fat-its-fluffy

Egads, you guys, I almost forgot today was Mardi Gras!!

Thank goodness the wreckerators out there have given us so many helpful reminders. You know, like all the beads:

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("The better to hide our wrecks with, my dear!")

 

...and the toxic mold rings:

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(Listen closely, and you can actually hear the dough screaming.)

 

Not to mention the plethora of choking hazards:

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...the terrifying non-sequiturs:

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(Give it up, Lady Cassandra - we know it's you!)

 

...and, of course, the dessert Mardi Gras is most famous for:

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The colossal caramel apple pie.

Topped with a tiny plastic Baby Jesus.

Giving you the finger.

 

And, hey, if that doesn't say "Happy Marti Gras !", then this cake does:

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So there.

 

Many Mardi Gras thanks to Naomi S., Janet, Mike R., Laurie E., Debbi P., & Andrew G., who get ALL the beads - once they flash me their... pearly whites.

And by "pearly whites"I mean "boobs." You, too, fellas!

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Oh hey, if you’re shopping online this week, remember to check out my Amazon shop front! I have lists of funny gifts and clothes and toys and such that might help inspire you for those hard-to-buy-for types. Plus it helps support the site:

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Evolution Of A Big Bird Wreck

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/2/24/evolution-of-a-big-bird-wreck

Stage 1: Excitement

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"...now simply pipe seven thousand individual strands and you're done!"

 

Stage 2: Compromise

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"Well, it's still kind of feathery..."

 

Stage 3: Apathy

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"Meh, just spray it yellow."

 

Stage 4: Passive Aggression

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"We call it, 'Big Bird In A Snow Storm.'

"And that'll be $37.99."

 

Thanks to Anony M., Rose T., Anony M., & Shannon B. for finding the face of despair. (Seriously, the longer you look, the more depressing it gets.)

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Hang on, this will cheer you up again:

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Retro Sesame Street Tee

 This sweet t-shirt is double-sided! Awww, now that's some old-school Sesame Street cred. Love it.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Sunday Sweets Brings You SKULLS ON PLATTERS

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/2/23/sunday-sweets-brings-you-skulls-on-platters

I was at a total loss for a Sweets theme this week, gang. And since John and I've been fighting with our health insurance for far too many hours over dumb billing stuff, I was also in a highly murderous mood.

So how do you channel a murderous mood into pretty cakes?

(Cakes in Bloom)

BOOM. 

Sweet pastel skull cakes!

 I'm calling this one "Steve in Billing, Please Hold":

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(Teneal Amber Cakes, New Zealand)

And look, here comes the devilishly delicious Claims Department:

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(The Grumpy Cake Lady, Montana)

Not only is this gorgeous, if you listen closely you can almost hear them telling you to fax - yes, FAX - a copy of your insurance card.

I love pastels paired with black and white:

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(Tall Girl Bakes, Arizona)

Apparently the skull gummy candies are from IKEA! I'm also digging (eh?) the little bone sprinkles.

 Speaking of candies, check out this adorable cookie Valentine skeleton:

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(Brittani Bakes, online only)

I bet chomping those rib bones would be really satisfying while waiting on hold for the 8th time in 2 hours.

I'm really hoping this next one is a wedding cake, because it's so perfect:

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(Anna Florence Cake Design)

I want to pluck off one of those skull pops and toast John over this background Muzak of "My Heart Will Go On."

And they say romance is dead. :D

Oooh, it gets better:

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(Black Cherry Cake Company, UK)

My favorite colors!

I was looking for mostly pastel skull cakes, but these dark beauties are too Sweet not too share:

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(Ahimsa Bakery, Florida)

I don't say this often with Sweets... but DANG that looks delicious. I love the cartoony sculpt on the skull, too.

I really thought these were beaded brooches at first:

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(Belly's Bake Shop, Texas)

More glamorous skull pops! I bet they're super crunchy with all those sprinkles, too. Mmmm. (Remember, angrily eating crunchy things is better than grinding your teeth!)

So John just came into my office to sort a giant stack of faxes(!!) he has to send, and, after looking at my belated Valentine's gift and giving me a hug, said, "How is it possible I can feel both so much love and so much hate in one day?"

I feel ya, babe.

Also I think this last cake perfectly captures that Mood:

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 (Tattooed Bakers, London)

Bahahaha!

I hope these made you smile, gang! And remember, if you ever have to deal with an out-of-network reimbursement claim from an American health insurance company, bring LOTS of cake. (For you, not them.)

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For anyone out there feeling today's aesthetic:

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Unfocused Rage Tee

:D

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Mermaid To Order

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/2/21/mermaid-to-order

Anna writes, "I spelled it out three times for them over the phone."

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See, there's your problem right there, Anna: that you had to spell it in the first place.

 

This bakery display has really captured the zeitgeist of winter:

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That inexplicable feeling when your baker replaces almost all of the Rs on your cake with Cs:

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I am so confused cight now, you guys. Foc ceal.

 

Here's this week's moment of someone-was-paid-to-do-this-like-on-purpose-no-really:

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A demented smiley face...

 

WITH...

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...pink sperm on its head!

It's a great day for America, e'erbody.

 

And last but not least, a tail of beauty:

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...and a tail of WHOA:

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So sorry, Sarah H. I hope you didn't shell out a lot of clams to make this to scale. :D
(Sea what I did there?)

 

Thanks to Anna H., Kathryn D., Martin G., Kristi W., Gisele M., & Sarah H. for the "mermaid-to-order" wreckage.

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Now that I have mermaids on the brain, LOOK:

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Ariel Classic Tattoo Style Bag

The other side has vintage style tattoos all over it. So cool!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Unicorn Horns: Do They Really Need A Point?

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/2/20/unicorn-horns-do-they-really-need-a-point

Karen's "unicorn" debacle last week inspired me, minions. See, I love unicorn cakes. I love unicorn wrecks. So why not bring the two together?

Beauty:

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(By Life Is What You Cake It)

Aaaand the Beast:

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My favorite part is that horn situation. Is this an X-ray?

The nose knows a good unicorn cookie cake:

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(Cookies By Design Arlington)

OH NOES.

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Ahhh, but you know I saved the best for last.

First, the gold standard:

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(Rosanna Pansino)

Then, the gold plastic:

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They used the eyelashes as eyebrows. Bahahaa!

BUT WAIT

There's more!

First this one again:

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(Rosanna Pansino)

And then...

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HERP DERP ABURP

Thanks to A.R., Chloe V., Chrissy C., & Pinar M. for doing the impossible: making us wish there was MORE plastic on our cakes.

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And now the perfect game to go with these cakes:

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Unstable Unicorns: A Strategic Card Game For Adults & Teens

The description reads: "Build a unicorn army. Betray your friends. Unicorns are your friends now."

Well, I'm sold.

(There's also a NSFW version and I'm mildly terrified. Ha! Have any of you played this?)

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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The Bananas Are Totally Helping: Women Weirdly Wearing Cake

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/2/19/the-bananas-are-totally-helping-women-weirdly-wearing-cake

Since I started this blog I've seen my share of cakes crammed onto real live ladies. Here's a croquembouche dress:

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(Ballsy.)

 

Here's a cupcake skirt:

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(I'd eat that.)

 

And here's an edible wedding dress guaranteed to make you never want an edible wedding dress:

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[slowly backing away in horror]

 

But all of that pales in comparison to whatever the heck is happening in this photo:

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0.o

Now, I know there's a lot of crazy to take in up there, but keep your eyes on the bananas.

See them?

Good.

Now you can scroll down:

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Ta-daaaa!

Ok, so, a few things:

1) There are now bananas artfully draped on the womens' shoulders. I bet you never thought someone could artfully drape a banana. Or that someone would consider a conjoined torso cake with real live ladies sticking out of either end an appetizing idea. BUT THERE THEY BOTH ARE.

2) The candles. Why? Is this a birthday party?

3) WAIT. Is it Beetlejuice's birthday? THAT WOULD EXPLAIN... well, at least the stripey parts.

4) Now I want shrimp cocktail.

5) You Beetlejuice fans got that one. You're welcome.

 

Thanks to Amy, Evelyn D., Jessica S., & Jemma S. for sending in those pics with absolutely no explanation. I mean, it's just more fun to imagine all the many, MANY reasons why this is a thing that happened.

[thinking]

I'll, uh, come up with one eventually, I'm sure.

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BREAKING NEWS: Did you know you can buy your cat a banana bed? IT'S TRUE.

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Cat Banana Bed

Forget the official product photos, though: the customer reviews are where it is AT, peeps.

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Scrolling through these was the best two minutes of my day, ermergersh. (Don't judge.)

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*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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EXTREME CELEBRITY MASHUP MATH

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/2/18/extreme-celebrity-mashup-math

OK, minions, this is pretty advanced stuff, but stay with me:

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+

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+

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Got all that?

Good.

Proceed. 

=

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Ho Ho d'Aang, that's surreal.

Thanks to C.M. for paving the way to that once-in-a-lifetime punchline.

*****

Also if you don't know who Aang is then you must watch the animated series Avatar: The Last Airbender. IT'S SO GOOD YOU GUYS, and I'm itching to watch it all again. Plus I just found the entire series - 9 discs -  on Blu-Ray for only $25!

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Avatar: The Complete Series

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Playing The Name Game

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/2/17/playing-the-name-game

Sure, names are hard, and with folks naming their kids Kyd and Blendrr and "Jennifer with one N", you can't really blame the poor bakers for getting it wrong.

Unless it's really funny, of course.

 

Think "Eva" is easy to spell? Well it is. Almost... [eyes narrowing]... TOO EASY.

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I guess the "Balloons" is silent.

 

For Michael:

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"I C what you did there."

(True Story: I only included this one for the punch line. WHUT.)

 

For Avery:

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Each and Avery time.

 

Here's the trouble with sounding out "Jose":

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A new nick name for Stacey:

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And for Brooke!

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But Christie Lynn gets a promotion:

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And finally, the always classic, "Stephen with a 'ph'":

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via

 

Thanks to Donna M., Alecia W., Anna B., Cap, Michelle F., Jennifer C., Christie G., & Steph D. for the phuper phweet phpelling.

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In honor of "Spacey":

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Glass Galaxy Pendant

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Sunday Sweets Splits Up! 11 Gorgeous Double-Sided Cakes

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/2/16/sunday-sweets-splits-up-11-gorgeous-double-sided-cakes

I love seeing how bakers tackle the challenge of a double birthday cake, so today, gang, we're going halfsies.

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(Iced by Kez, New Zealand)

Double the cuteness, double the fun!

Of course it's easy to share a cake when the kids are too young to have an opinion. The real challenge comes when they're older, and bakers have to combine two VERY different styles:

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(The Cake Room LA, Louisiana)

Absolutely loving Cinderella's carriage matched up with Cap's shield. So clever.

At first glance I thought this one was two different cakes:

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(Little Cherry Cake Company, UK)

Tinkerbell and Periwinkle are a perfect pair:

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(Mother and Me Creative Cakes, UK)

Or how about Hello Kitty... and Spider-Man?

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(McGreevey Cakes, online tutorials)

Yass. The balloons are my favorite part!

I know a bunch of adults who would LOVE this little girl's cake:

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(Lacey Jakes Cakes, tutorial here)

It's not for two people, but it could be! Or you could just celebrate both sides of your personality.

::evil grin::

Speaking of which, it doesn't get much better than this for a two-sided cake:

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(Dolce Dita, online tutorials)

Such a cute idea for a baby shower - and there's an angel wing and bat wing coming out the sides! D'awwww.

No contrasting characters here, but I am SWOONING over this chocolate and strawberry combo:

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(Cakes Contour, UK)

SWOONING.

(I've been cutting back on sweets this week, so I want to smash my face in this thing SO BAD. Hnnnng.)

 I already featured double-side wedding cakes back in 2018 - in case you were wondering where those were - but here comes a fun double-sided engagement cake:

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(Cakes And Cupcakes Mumbai, India)

The sign says "Warning: Opposites Attract. May Cause Sparks"

:D

As much as I love a good princess cake, I have to admit seeing this Wonder Woman/Superman split made me SO DARN HAPPY:

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(Chace's Cakes & Catering, Florida)

AW YEAH SUPERHERO LADIES REPRESENT

And finally, the magical beast mashup that made my jaw drop:

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(Carulli Cakes, Arizona)

That is all buttercream, y'all. No fondant! I can't get over the detail and shading in the dragon eye. Just... WOW.

I hope today's split Sweets gave you a smile! Happy Sunday!

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Oh but wait, here's one last double-sided Sweet - this time for my fellow puzzle lovers:

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 2-Sided Jigsaw Puzzle, 500 Piece

I think this is the prettiest picture combo, but there's also a dollhouse option where one side is the exterior, and the other shows the rooms inside. SO COOL.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Valentine's Review

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/2/14/valentines-review

Remember a few days ago when I told you guys to make Valentine’s Day extra confusing?

Well, looks like some bakers out there took my advice...TO HEART.

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And that's no bull.

(OX OX!)

 

What day is it, again?

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Oh, right.
Um.
So HOW old is this cake?

 

I'm detecting a pattern here:

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Maybe bacon?

 

And the award for "Weirdest Made-Up Punctuation" goes to...

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The symbol formerly known as ?!?.

("I.... am confused. >>)

 

Of course, as bizarre as these Valentines cakes are, it could always be worse:

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Must be an ice cream cake... CUZ THAT'S COLD.

 

Thanks to Christina L., Annalise, Beth H., Kathleen B., & Ashton A. for bringing us down in the dumps.

*****

Oh hey, I found my favorite Valentine's pin, y'all:

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Skeletor's Live Laugh Love Pin

*****

And for some last minute Valentine’s cards for the geeky someone:

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