Sooooo... No?

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/1/17/sooooo-no

You'll never guess what Taryn T. asked her baker:

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As perfect as that is, I feel kinda bad that Taryn didn't get her unicorn.

So Taryn, JUST FOR YOU:

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Humpy Dumpy

 

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Elvis McSquiggle Eye

 

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"Nothing To See Here" Brutus the Smoothest [WINK WINK]

 

And I can't decide which of these last two is my favorite:

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Squintsy the Aardvark

 

Or

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Stumpy Wallbanger.

 

You guys feel free to vote in the comments.

 

Thanks to Ginny V., Cassandra F., Brandi F., Heather C., & Joshanna R. for proving that, no matter what, the answer was still "no."

*****

P.S. We need more pretty unicorn dresses in the world, so here's my favorite I recommend to friends all the time:

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CowCow Women's Unicorn Dress

I get compliments every time I wear it - last time a lady yelled across the parking lot how much she loved it, ha. Plus it's stretchy and comfy and cat hair doesn't stick to it! Now that's MAGIC.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Dragon Appreciation Day

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/1/16/dragon-appreciation-day

It's Appreciate A Dragon Day, minions, but there's a problem: I can't tell the dragon cakes from the dinosaur cakes.

I know, I know! This should be easy, right?

AND YET

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Huh.

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Um…

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OH COME ON.

Are some of these breathing fire or sticking their tongues out?

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Now, I can already hear you telling the screen that dragons have WINGS. And believe me, I agree with you! I'm just not sure these bakers do:

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That's totally breathing fire, right? On its own back leg?

In fact, the only one I found with definite wings is the least dragon-looking of them all:

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All I see is a sassy snake with its arm on its hip. "Oh you did NOT just call me a Wyrm."

Well, minions, I guess today we've learned the line between cake dino and cake dragon is a blurry one - and that it can always be worse:

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What the actual heck, Barb.


Thanks to Valerie D. Suse B., Jana H., Gayle T., Jennifer J., Kara S., & Melissa R. for dragon this out.

*****

P.S. I just found this book and I am MELTING:

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Tiny T. Rex And The Impossible Hug

Absolutely the cutest, sweetest story for your favorite dino-loving kids. (Or adults!)

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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The Weirdest Apology Cake I've Seen Yet

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/1/15/the-weirdest-apology-cake-ive-seen-yet

At long last, I think I've finally found it, you guys:

The World's Most Interesting Conversation Starter

Yep, I suggest you single types out there bring this to your next Bingo mixer, luau party, rave, etc*

[*I haven't dated in a while, but I trust these are still the hippest happenings.]

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Or, if you're NOT single, just think how handy this will be at the next family reunion!

 

A few sample openers:

How do you accidentally pee in a dryer? (Feel free to sketch your answers on this napkin.)

How do you not KNOW whether or not you accidentally peed in a dryer?
Follow Up: And have *you* ever been that drunk?
What kind of relationship do you think would be appeased [snerk] by a cake apology for the aforementioned potential accidental dryer peeing?
Follow Up: Could you see yourself in that kind of relationship?

 

And most importantly:
Are you going to eat that?

 

Thanks to Katie for putting a new spin on the #1 apology cake.

*****

I'd love to see one of these filled out for accidental dryer peeing:

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Apology Note Pad

"I forgot you didn't like that."

Bahahaha!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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When Bakers Have Never Seen Fruit Or Vegetables Before

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/1/14/when-bakers-have-never-seen-fruit-or-vegetables-before

Ever get the sneaking suspicion your baker has never actually seen a strawberry?

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Or an apple?

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I like how the giant poo log is blowing back in the wind, and how the anchor(??) has a smiley face(?!?) wearing a sailor's hat (??!!#$*&?!??)

So hey, on the one hand, I appreciate that we finally found some icing carrots that don't look like wangs.

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But on the other hand... what the duck.

(Are they made of clay? Did someone sit on it? What happened to the crumb coat? Is one carrot missing? WHY IS THERE A CHOCOLATE DUCK AAAAAA)

The next time you hear the phrase "like two peas in a pod," I want you to think of this:

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Do NOT, under any circumstance, think about green poo, bursting throw pillows, or the fact that Slimer has a butt.

That's my gift to you.

And finally, let's end with a wreck that is simply BANANAS:

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Eh, I'm with John - I don't see the a-peel.

Thanks to Erin, Emily O., Jessica R., Gina L., & Autumn H. for dropping that before splitting.

*****

Sometimes I remember we live in a world with Bananya, the kitty who lives in a banana, and that makes me happy:

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Funko Bananya Figure

I just found out this little Funko figure exists! SO CUTE, and only $9! 

(There's also a black kitty version, ermergersh.)

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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5 Resolutions Anyone Can Keep. BALLS.

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/1/13/5-resolutions-anyone-can-keep-balls

How are those New Year's resolutions coming, minions? Did you already ditch the ol' "get up earlier, work out, and eat better" thing? SO WITH YOU.

Really, we should just pick easier goals... and then reward ourselves. With cake. For picking goals.
Because baby steps.

Here, I'll kick us off:

 

In 2016 I Resolve To:

- Be more compassionate.

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But I'm still not giving this cake back.

 

- Volunteer for a worthy cause every month.

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I promise at least John will be "awear".

 

- Spend more time with the ones I love.

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Cider beer, if you please, John.

 

- Communicate exactly what *I* want from a relationship.

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But better make it chocolate.

 

And finally, the no-brainer:

- Start ending every sentence with an exasperated "BALLS."

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Like most of this blog, that one makes more sense after a few cider beers.

 

Thanks to Matthew S., Kristin E., Pate C., Alyson A., & Jackie for resolving those issues for us. BALLS.

*****

HEY LOOK MORE BALLS:

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Narwhal Stress Relief Balls... Filled With Tiny Balls

****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Sunday Sweets Is Up In The Air

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/1/12/sunday-sweets-is-up-in-the-air

John's latest YouTube addiction includes all things magic. He's been bingeing Penn & Teller's Fool Us, and every time there's an especially unbelievable act, he'll turn to me and say, in his best Monty Python voice, "A WITCH!"

Which brings me to today's Sweets:

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(Make Me My Cake, Florida)

....

....

A WITCH!

Seriously, I've featured gravity-defying cakes before, but bakers are raising the bar even higher.

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(Pucky Cakes Academy, online tutorials)

... with no visible supports.

Er, I'd like a member of the audience to go up and wave their arms around under that tightrope, please.

Here come a couple of gems:

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(Avalon Cakes School, online tutorials)

 Never take them for granite.

I must have musicals on the brain today, because this one made me bust out with "Dancing Through Life" from Wicked:

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(Berber's Cakes & Moulds, the Netherlands)

Or should that be "Dancing Through Liefe"? :D 

Also I should note that all that lace is edible. YES REALLY. 

::mind: blown::

Every Broadway fan knows what to sing with this one, right?

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(Kara's Couture Cakes, online classes)

"The cake turned upside down."

Ooh, I'm on a roll; I even found a Castle on a Cloud!

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(Dawn Butler of Cake Frame [no website, link leads to .pdf])

Well, more of a snowy water spout than a cloud, but still.

I especially love this one because of how little cake it uses; perfect for smaller parties! It's also one of the best uses of the Wilton Turret set I've seen.

K, enough musicals, let's get back to the MAGIC:

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(King's Cake House, UK)

This looks like a levitating trick that guy from Magic For Humans (which John also watches too much of) would do - only without all the obvious camera tricks. (Heyooooo) Plus it's cake, which means it's the BEST kind of magic. Nomz.

At some point your brain sort of shuts down in disbelief, which is where I'm at with this humpback whale cake:

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(Michael Almeida, Portugal)

WOW. Just... wow.

I'm not sure if this M&M is hanging from the ceiling or supported underneath, but either way my jaw dropped - AND it's in my favorite colors:

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(Make Pretty Cakes, New Zealand)

Ha! So good! Great shine on his candy shell, too.

And finally, my favorite: a roly-poly unicorn floating around on her back clutching a donut:

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(Ulika Smirnova, Russia)

This is the me I see when I close my eyes. 

Hey, we have to have goals, right?

Happy Sunday, everyone! I hope your week is extra Sweet.

*****

You probably think you don't need a floating moon lamp, but look how cool this is:

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 Magnetic Levitating Moon Lamp

It floats, spins, and has independent lights in the base and the moon itself for a warm glow. Be sure to watch the videos of it in action, since photos don't do it justice!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Boopsie!

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/1/6/boopsie

"Hey Boss, there's a lady out there who doesn't like the baby shower cake you made her."

"Doesn't like it?! What's wrong with it? It's beautiful, it has huge..."

"Well, the lady says it's ugly."

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"What?! This is some of my best work! How DARE she..."

"And it's supposed to be a motor bike cake for her son's birthday."

"Oh."

[blinking]

"I can fix that."

rebecca.lw.suggestivedirtbiketrack.jpg

I'd like to thank Mimi F. & Rebecca for giving me the best "tracts of land" set-up in history. Now, I want you both to stay here, and make sure the wrecks don't leave this room until I get back. Got that?

*****

Just in case your DVD library is lacking this classic:

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This 2-disc special edition is only $10 over on Amazon.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Sunday Sweets: Deco-licious

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2020/1/5/sunday-sweets-deco-licious

We're officially in the 20s again, my friends, so of COURSE we need some 1920's Art Deco Sweets to celebrate!

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(By Style Sweet CA)

Check out the sweet style from Style Sweet! That's some old school glam, right there.

 

Or for something a little more modern:

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(By Luxury Creations, featured here)

I'm digging that green.

 

Of course, when you need drama, this is the way to go:

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(By Artisan Cake Company)

You just can't beat handpainted gold leaf for maximum "wow" factor.

 

Or perhaps you prefer silver?

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(By Amelie's Kitchen)

This would be the perfect dainty little wedding cake. And the bride should wear drop earrings that match those side pieces, and a tiara that matches the top tier - am I right?

 

Of course most Art Deco is all about bold geometric shapes and colors. You know, like this:

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(By The Cake Whisperer)

The flower and feathers soften it just enough, and really give it that modern flair. Love it.

 

Now here's a cake that took some jaw-dropping technical skill:

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(By Donnatella)

Those plaques are all made of sugar, using royal icing in a color flow, or "run-in" technique. It's incredibly fragile, and ridiculously difficult to do. Plus all four sides have window panels in front - look closely, and you can see the gap on the inside edge. That is ridiculous, you guys. RIDICULOUS. Mad props to all the bakers out there with this kind of patience.

 

Next, one of my new favorite color combinations:

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(By Confectionery Designs)

Mint and gold. Mmmm.

 

If you've ever been to South Beach, then you know Art Deco and pastels go hand in hand. It's also one of the most beautiful architectural styles ever. In fact, this peach cutie really reminds me of some of my favorite Art Deco buildings:

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(By My Cupcakery)

 

And can't you just see this one all lit up with neon lights on the beach front?

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(From the 2013 Capital Area Cake Show, found here)

Completely in love with those polka dots.

 

Here's another one using run-in icing, this time to make accent pieces that look like chic jewelry:

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(By Djalmma Reinalldo)

Ok, I want the topper as a pin, the bottom band as a bracelet, and a soft teal cardigan to wear them with. (Someone out there is getting this down, right?)

 

Hang on, I just found the most grin-inducing Deco cake yet:

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(By Lindy's Cakes)

Sha-POW! Grin city.

 

When it comes to sheer elegance, though, I think this is the clear winner:

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(By Nom Nom Sweeties)

The fringe, the feathers, the perfect lines and subtle ombre effect... yep. I'll take it. :D

Hope these made you smile and that your Sunday is extra sweet! 

****

Did I use today's post as an excuse to browse Art Deco jewelry for half an order? YES I DID. These remind me of the earring drop cake, and look how pretty:

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Chandelier Deco Dangle Earrings

And don't get me started on the Art Deco rings, since that's my favorite style ever.  There has been much drooling and bookmarking, ha.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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