Between A Wreck And A Hard Place

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2021/3/3/between-a-wreck-and-a-hard-place

Gents, are you feeling a bit... droopy... lately?

 

Because whether you want to rock out with your turkey out:

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Do a little dribbling:

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Or just feel on fire again:

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The answer is as plain as the "nose" on Elmo's face!

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Even little Brandon here knows:
There's more than one way to win the race.

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::WINK::

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So forget those turtle necks, fellas:

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...and get ready to CELEBRATE!

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Don't wait; ask your baker today about Cake Wrecks!

You'll have a truly uplifting experience... GUARANTEED.

 

Thanks to Nicole F., Katy B., Jennifer V., Annette M., Angela B., Nathan M., & Malisa I. for helping me salute Viagra Day the penis way I know how.

*****

In completely unrelated news, I found a truly excellent shower curtain:

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Cat Riding Whale Shower Curtain

****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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On The Plus Side, It's Never Too Soon To Introduce Your Five-Year-Old To Power Point

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2021/3/2/on-the-plus-side-its-never-too-soon-to-introduce-your-five-year-old-to-power-point

If you've been hanging around this blog for a while, then you probably remember the infamous Flash Drive wreck.

That's the one where someone brought in a photo on a flash drive, but instead of using the photo, the bakery recreated the flash drive itself on the cake. It's one of the most epic Cake Wrecks of all time, and taught us all a valuable lesson about the boundless nature of human derpitude.

I'm guessing Matthew here missed the flash drive post, though, because not only did he bring one in for his daughter's fifth birthday cake, he also had more than one photo on the drive.

In Matthew's defense, there were only two images on the drive to choose from: one, his daughter's favorite cartoon character, and the other, a Power Point flow chart from his company.

I'll give you two guesses which one the bakery used.

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Aw, you guessed it, didn't you? See, I just can't surprise you guys anymore.

 

Thanks to Matt M. & little Gia for proving a Communication Network Decision Tree can be just as magical as Disney princesses, only the exact opposite of that.

*****

This made me laugh, and seems appropriate with today's decision-making process:

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A Horrible Idea Graphic Tee

It comes in 15 different colors, hit the link to see them all.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Happy things Rat.jpg

In Which We Are Very, Very Sincere

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2021/3/1/in-which-we-are-very-very-sincere

It's National "Write A Letter Of Appreciation" Week, so let's take a moment to address those who make all of this possible: the bakers.

[cues sappy violin music]
[turns to face camera]
[looks very, 
very sincere]

Thank you, Bakery Wreckerator, for making every chocolate swirl look like poo:

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For making cupcake cakes (patooie!) look more like ding-dongs:

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For your consistent, unrealistic, and yet kind of awesome boob-to-belly ratios:

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Dream on, Mama.

 

Thank you for never, EVER, calling to double check an order:

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...especially when you can just slap a question mark on the end and call it good.

 

Thank you for standing firm in your belief that this is how to spell "birthday:"

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Or this:

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Or this:

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Or this:

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Whatever. It's not like you'll need to use that word much, anyway.

 

But most of all, Bakery Wreckerator, we want to thank you for that big smiling face:

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It's literally the best.

 

And thanks also to Griffin, Robert W., Samantha G., Dave, Heather S., Ivy W., Lisa B., Stefanie F., & Anony M., who, out of alllll our wreckporters, are literally the most recent.

*****

You know what goes great with thank you notes? Smelly things.

And from all the rave reviews, apparently this banana bread & hazelnut candle smells AMAZING. But more importantly, if you give it as a gift you get to watch their faces as they read the label:

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"Smell My Nuts" Mason Jar Candle

:D

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Sunday Sweets: 10 Kids' Cakes The Adults Will Want, Too

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2021/2/28/sunday-sweets-10-kids-cakes-the-adults-will-want-too

John's been on a baking kick lately, so I've just had strawberry cake for breakfast, minions. Not pancakes, mind you, or donuts or muffins are other socially acceptable morning desserts. I'm talking homemade-buttercream-slathered, jam-filled, multi-tiered CAKE. With strawberry roses on top.

Back off, ladies and gents, this one's MINE.
(And John's taken, too.)

Just to drive the point home, here's a picture of me, defending my breakfast:

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(By J'adore Sweets)

OH SNAP.

 

So before this sugar buzz wears off, let me take you through some of my favorite character cakes. And since I usually focus on popular movie or show characters, let's mix things up with some non-copyright cuties, like these:

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(By Dolcemente Sheila)

Because how sweet is this furry trio? (Go, Ninja Cat, go!)

 

Or how about this for a swim party:

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(By Sweet Mary's)

I've had this in my "to-post" folder for ages. I'm just so impressed by the design; the kids really look 3D!

 

I give horse cakes a rough time during the week - and with good reason - but here's an example of how they SHOULD be done:

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(By Paul Bradford Sugarcraft School)

Perfection! I'm a big fan of cartoony animal cakes; it helps to be reminded it's not the real thing come slicing-and-dicing time.

 

Of course, now I'm going to immediately contradict myself by showing you the most ADORABLE, realistic, baby elephant cake:

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(By Mr. Sprinkles)

I'm melting. MELTING. Look at those feet!

 

Next I'll break today's "no copyrighted characters" rule (it was really more of a "guideline"), because it's not like I can NOT show you this incredible Tamatoa cake from Moana, right?

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(By Ashlee Marie)

Sing it with me, now: "He's so SHINE-AYYY!"

(FUN NON-CAKE RELATED FACT: Did you hear Disney hid Aladdin's golden lamp on Tamatoa's back? Yay Easter eggs!)

 

And while I'm breaking the rules/guidelines, anyone else consider Rainbow Unicorn Pusheen the BEST Pusheen?

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(By Laura Loukaides)

I want to hug it and squeeze it and maybe bite its little paws off.

 

I have a feeling little Joa here got along with his birthday cake like a house on a fire:

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(By Cherry Red Cake)

And can we talk about those perfectly shaded flames? And the oh-so-subtle "smoke"? And how that water hose does NOT look like the wreck every one of you old-school Wreckies are thinking of right now?

 

Have you heard of Shopkins? I don't fully understand them, but they're these little collectible toys popping up in check-out lines and toy departments everywhere, and I'm fighting a hard battle against being sucked in to the cuteness:

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(By De la Creme Creative Studio)

I mean, c'mon. Have you ever seen a more lovable lipstick? And those little gold shoes! Hee!

 

I was talking over on Epbot about how we adults should never be ashamed of liking "kid stuff," and one of the commenters, Gwyn, said something fabulous:

"I am not having a mid-life crisis, I am having a second childhood, only this time I have more money and access to alcohol."

YES.

And hey, Gwyn? I found you an equally fabulous cake:

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(By Faye Cayhill)

A Cute Cartoon Cactus With Booze, because we're adults and we can, dangit.

Just like eating strawberry cake for breakfast.

And maybe lunch.

WHAT.

 

Hope your week is as sweet as my morning's been, peeps! Happy Sunday!

*****

I have to include this classic, if only to show how purr-fectly Laura's cake matched:

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GUND Pusheen-icorn Plush

It also comes in miniature as an adorable purse clip, d'awwww.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Scout It Out

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2021/2/26/scout-it-out

I was an honorary cub scout around age 6, because A) my brother was an actual cub scout, B) our mom was troop leader, and C) we didn't have a babysitter. My only clear memory of that time was making salt dough pretzels with the boys, though, which tasted terrible. The pretzels, I mean. I didn't taste the WHOA THIS GOT DIRTY FAST.

Er, my point is, I don't remember cake at any of our troop meetings, but maybe that was for the best:

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These are the extra tiny Cub Scouts. From the future.

 

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Dangit, Michael, not again!

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This month was the 107th birthday of the Boy Scouts, so naturally:

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The only thing missing is U.

Or a bad Scottish accent. ("Ach! Me wee bairns!"*)

[*Sorry, that's from all the Star Trek books I read as a child. Scotty said it all the time, but I have no idea what it means. If it's something dirty, please accept my apologies/knowing looks & elbow jabs.]

 

And finally, bakers, why don't you give us the 411?

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Or, sure, that works.

(SO CLOSE.)

 

Thanks to Colleen R., Miranda E., Robert W., & Amy H. for always being prepared... with their phone cameras.

*****

Ever wish you could earn merit badges for all the boring adulting stuff we have to do? WELL NOW YOU CAN:

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72 Adulting Achievement Stickers

If you got out of bed, drank some water, or ::gasp:: made that phone call, then now you can reward yourself with these fab stickers! And also a cookie. Because ADULTING.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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How Long Will It Take YOU To See It?

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2021/2/25/how-long-will-it-take-you-to-see-it

I won't tell you how long I thought this was a sideways H:

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I also won't tell you how long I stared at this one:

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...before John finally pointed to the post-it.

 

However, I *will* tell you John spent the same amount of time thinking this was a perfectly nice cake, and wondering why Natasha sent it in:

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So clearly we're still meant for each other.

;)

 

Thanks to Katelyn W., Michelle D., & Natasha P. for seeing how many of us had our coffee this morning. Also, there's no WAY that's an H on #2. NO WAY.

*****

Speaking of things that require a double-table, this grumpy cat mug magically flips you off when you fill it with hot coffee, haha:

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Heat Sensitive Cat Mug

This one's for my fellow non-morning people. :D

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Horse (Non)Sense

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2021/2/24/horse-nonsense

Momma gave us this birthday tip
Her face stern, her hand on her hip
"When serving horse cake
"With this kind of face

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"Well, sonny, don't give me no lip."

***

 

Gumdrop was gloomy and tense
Her flight was one filled with suspense

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With wings on one side
No physics applied
But whoever said magic makes sense?

***

 

This pony gives no end of grief
Its texture defies all belief

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Missing legs, is it now?
Should we call it a cow?
Because wow does it look like ground beef.

***

 

Ted is a unicorn with sass
His friends like to say he's a gas

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The life of the party
Whenever he's farty
And rainbows shoot out of his a$$

 

Thanks to Amanda L., another Amanda, Brio G., & Sarah L. for finding everyone's next birthday cake request. Take note, bakers: Rainbow-Farting Unicorns for EVERYBODY!

*****

P.S. FINALLY. I thought I'd never find a natural segue for these!

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Unicorn Poop Earrings

Don't stop believing, y'all. Dreams do come true.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Surprise! IT A WRECK!

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2021/2/23/surprise-it-a-wreck

Brenna P. writes,

"Since it was my husband’s birthday last week, I thought it would be a fun idea to get a birthday cake that would also reveal the gender of our baby due this summer."

 

[nodding vigorously] Excellent, excellent. WHAT COULD GO WRONG WITH THIS PLAN.

[making popcorn]
[pulling up beanbag chair]

Ok, Brenna, please.

DO GO ON.

"I asked that the bakery put blue frosting in the middle of the cake, with the intention of cutting it open to reveal that it’s a boy."

Good thinking. Solid plan. I like it.

 

And... ?

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TA-DAAAA!!

Note the lovely schmear of blue frosting right in the "middle" of the cake, just like Brenna asked.

(The whole "It a ..." misspelling was just the metaphorical cherry on top.)

 

Ah, but I know what you're thinking: what color icing was on the inside?

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Silly wreckie; there WAS no icing on the inside, haha!

(C'mon, now, how long have you been reading this blog? I mean, REALLY.)

 

*****

Oh hey, if you like surprises but hate people, I have JUST THE THING:

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The Original Spider Prank Box

The plastic spider leaps out as you slide the door open, and as the recipient of a similar box I can assure you: this thing's a real scream. Perfect for nosy roommates, co-workers, your kids... hey, I'm not here to judge. :p
*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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Sunday Sweets That Defy Gravity

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2021/2/21/sunday-sweets-that-defy-gravity

It's hard enough to make a gorgeous cake, but how about one that seems to float in mid-air?

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(By Vicky Angel Cake Design)

What cakey voodoo is this??
Because I LIKE IT.

 

Yep, these frosted feats of engineering never cease to amaze me, so today, it's ALL floating voodoo Sweets, guaranteed to make your jaw drop.

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(By Ponquecitos and Cakes)

A little birdy told me this is actually impossible. So 'fess up, bakers: how'd you do that?

 

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(By Kaysie Lackey)

I know it's hard to look at anything besides that hilarious face, but check out the feet. There's only one touching the ground!

 

Or how about the ol' "invisible server" party trick?

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(By Cake Heart)

If someone didn't startle their guests by letting go of that spatula handle with a flourish of jazz hands, then this cake was wasted. WASTED, I SAY.

 

Some fabulous piratey goodness:

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(By Kara's Couture Cakes)

 

And I suppose this one isn't quite as gravity defying, but I'm including it anyway, because c'mon. It's Alice falling down the rabbit hole:

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(By Fiona Black. Anyone have a website for her?)

Plus I love the upside-down cake design, the falling book pages, and the teeny room at the bottom!

 

But for a truly mad Wonderland cake, you can't beat this tea time treat:

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(By Natalia Da Silva)

WOW.

 

Or how about this Beauty?

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(By Truly Custom Cakery, now closed)

ALSO WOW.

 

This Angry Bird isn't even touching the board!

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(By Pirikos)

The only support is through the slingshot!

 

This one looks more like an art gallery exhibit than dessert:

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(By JT Cakes)

Gorgeous, and another one that had me scratching my head; still not sure how the supports on this work!

 

And finally, the one that made me gasp the loudest with sheer, "No, srsly, how'd they DO that?!" ness:

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(By Yener's Way)

Drippy chocolate sauce has never looked more magical.

Hope you guys enjoyed today's floating fancies! Happy Sunday!

*****

P.S. This tiny moon light also seems to float, and you can switch from cool to warm light with it:

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Moon Lamp Night Light

So sweet!

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

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